माय फुच्किंग अगस्त

God hates me.

Proof? I offer the month of August.

I guy puked on me in the bathroom at Toon's on Southport in Chicago.
I choked on a chicken wing about 15 minutes later.
While exiting on Lake Shore Drive at 8 am one morning, some jackass in a high-rise threw 'some kind of liquid' from his balcony which landed all over my car.
My bike was stolen out of my garage.
My assistant quit today.

Worse...

...there are seven more days to go in August.